A new life brings with it a whirlpool of conflicting emotions, sweet coos and firsts, hormonal fluctuations, decisions such as whether to breast- or bottle-feed, diaper changes, and other unrelenting responsibilities. 

Nearly all new mothers (approximately 80% to 95%) experience a short bout of grief after delivery, dubbed the “baby blues.” Throughout the following year, far-reaching mental health symptoms and conditions can take hold. Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders such as postpartum depression (PPD) are collectively the most frequent birth complication, arising in 1 to 5 women. Managing your mental and emotional well-being, and seeking care as early as possible when needed, is essential.

“Mental health still has such stigma and social pressure that new mothers can wrongly feel selfish for paying attention to it, instead of just their baby,” said Cedars-Sinai OB-GYN Jonathan Turriago, DO. “There’s often guilt in admitting you’re struggling, but it’s not a failure on your part.”

The “baby blues” happen when estrogen and progesterone plummet in the days after delivery, and moods are intensified by sleep deprivation. Parents can find themselves crying for seemingly no reason. You might be terrified of making a mistake, self-conscious about your changing body and especially sensitive to challenges, such as with infant bonding, colic, or latching and breastfeeding. 

The early days of motherhood are wildly unpredictable, said Eynav Accortt, PhD, director of Cedars-Sinai’s Reproductive Psychology Program, and hard for everyone. 

 “The stakes are really high when you’re a new parent and you think perfection is even a possible goal,” Accortt said. “Perfection doesn’t exist, and parenting isn’t intuitive or natural. There’s a steep learning curve.”

Read: Anxious About Breastfeeding? You’re Not Alone

Social media can amplify the pressure to have a breezy, well-lit experience of new motherhood. 

Accortt encourages boundaries to protect your mental health during this vulnerable period, such as resisting comparisons to others’ parenting journeys—even loved ones—and unfollowing accounts that only share highlight reels or promote unrealistic expectations.

Becoming a parent is a dramatic life transition, unfolding in an easily derailed loop of newborn feeds, naps, inconsolable cries, swaddles and spit-ups. As you settle into the rhythms of life with a newborn, experts emphasize caring for yourself.

“If you’re completely depleted, which most American women are during the postpartum period, then you can’t take care of your baby,” Accortt said. “It’s a lose-lose.”

To unwind, try active relaxation tools which can be squeezed into 10-minute windows:

• Mindfulness and meditation
• Non-strenuous movement such as short neighborhood walks, gentle yoga and simple stretches
• Deep breathing
• Magnesium glycinate supplements, suggested by Turriago for mood and sleep regulation
• Journaling to process emotions

Read: Should You Take a Magnesium Supplement?

Staying awake around the clock triggers a fight-or-flight stress response, undermining your ability to emotionally regulate. New mothers also need sufficient rest to heal in the “fourth trimester.” 

Longer, uninterrupted chunks of three to four hours at a time are best.

Experts encourage leaning on your community to fill in gaps. For example, you could implement breastfeeding shifts, pumping and storing extra milk and alternating with a partner or trusted loved one. Family, friends, support groups and mommy-and-me events can all help you shoulder the load, as well as provide comfort.

Doctors caution that maternal mental health conditions are often mistaken for the baby blues, which resolve on their own within two weeks.

Perinatal depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and other psychological conditions extend to the first year after birth, on the other hand, and are more severe.  They are all recognizable by how symptoms limit your daily functioning and ability to show up for the moments that matter most.

Never worrying would be alarming for a new mother. Take seriously, though, if you are so nervous that you can think of little else, obsess over your fears or engage in rituals for relief, such as repeatedly checking on your baby. Similarly, do you feel so sad or numb that you withdraw from your interests and connections to the world around you?

Read: The Difference Between Postpartum Anxiety, OCD and Psychosis

If you can no longer manage your emotions or behaviors, talk therapy (either individual or group) can help you regain control. In more intense cases, Accortt also suggests consulting a reproductive psychiatrist, who can prescribe antidepressant medications that are safe to take in pregnancy and while breastfeeding.

“You don’t have to go through this alone,” Accortt stressed.

Anyone experiencing a mental health crisis should call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline immediately or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262). Available 24/7, they provide free, confidential support and resources in English and Spanish.